Funniest. Candidate. Ever. McComedian In The House

If you know the Creative Greenius then you know how much I like to laugh and how I crave a clever comedy.

From The Daily Show to 30 Rock to The Simpsons to anything Albert or James L. Brooks do, I like me some laughs.  

In fact I need me some laughs – especially when so much of what I learn every day about climate change and how much worse it gets with each passing 24 hours adds up to us being as doomed as doomed can be.

But thank God for John Maverick McCain, who refuses to be worried about the serious facts and goes for the funny bone every chance he gets.

In a world of bad news and inconvenient truths the good old Straight Talk Express is still chugging along like a coal-fired comedy choo-choo making us all laugh out loud.

So many humorless Democrats and others don’t get Joking John’s best bits because they insist on taking him seriously and trying to make sober sense of his routines.

But no critic faults Larry the Cable Guy or Cedric the Entertainer or Will Farrell for using absurdity, frat-boy humor and Bizzaro World backwards opposites comedy to make us laugh.

Why the unfair double standard when it comes to McCain the McComedian?

If you don’t see the obvious satire in calling for more drilling to help lower today’s high gasoline prices then you’re not getting how funny that premise is in light of how long it would take to ever see any of that oil and gas produced.

And considering the worldwide supply-and-demand and how totally meaningless the minimal amount of oil pumped out would be, the whole concept of breaking the current laws so an addict with a high fever can get a desperation fix for a momentary high – instead of getting the junkie off the dope and into rehab. – is classic comedy in the Cheech & Chong, Harold & Kumar & Superbad/Knocked Up/Pineapple Express vein.

Only McCain is brilliant enough to mock and diss the nerdy egghead idea of saving as much oil as you’d get from off shore drilling.

Everyone knows that checking the air in your tires is something only someone like Urkle or Goober at the gas station is supposed to do – which makes that idea hysterically worthy of derision.

Can’t you just picture Steve Martin as The Jerk all bent over trying to read that pop-up gauge through his thick four eyes glasses?  How stupid would that look?

I mean just by checking the pressure you lose a little air, making things worse than if you had done nothing to begin with! Well exccuuuuuuuse me!  I’m a wild and crazy guy.

When McCain talks about how successful the surge has been, you have to be comedy savvy enough to get that he means the surge of your tax dollars to Iraq to help rebuild all the stuff we blew up in order to get Chevron, Exxon/Mobile and Shell Oil the no bid contracts that let them pump Iraq’s oil.

You want an even easier example of his comedy superiority that starts out funny and just gets bigger and bigger laughs as it builds?

How about McCain telling people he’s going to build 45 nuclear plants by the time he turns 94 in 2030 even though the Dept of Energy says it’s only possible to get half that many built?  You get it?  It’s a two for one joke

It’s even funnier when you see McNuke’s Oprah Winfrey show satire in which he jumps up and down and jabs his finger at different members of the studio audience as he  yells “You get a nuke, and YOU get a nuke, and YOU get a nuke!!!”

And while that’s got you chuckling he just keeps going with his routine touting Yucca Mountains for waste disposal… just as long as none of the waste goes through his state of Arizona which has banned it for health and safety reasons…  Hey, want not, waste not.

And just as long as you double the size of Yucca Mountain’s waste bins since we’ll need twice as much at twice the cost for all those imaginary nuclear plants.

An expert jokemeister like McCain knows how to milk the laughs like a top pro, so just when your sides are aching from just how funny the word “Yucca” really is he hits you with how we don’t have to worry about the dangers of nuclear plants because – wait for it –

The French have shown us how to do it right!

But he’s not done… here it comes – also because the Navy uses nuclear powered ships and subs and has never had an accident.  Not a one!  They have a perfect record.  They’re better than Tiger Woods…

McCain doesn’t just offer this bit backed only by his very funny Jack-O-Lantern frozen grin, but he says it while a big screen projects pictures and news footage of July’s leak at the French nuclear complex near Avigon that contaminated about 100 workers...

…And also the story of how just four days ago the Navy warned the country of Japan that one of our US Navy nuclear submarines may have had radioactive leaks during recent port calls in Japan’s south, the Japanese Foreign Ministry reported Saturday.

This leakage radioactive news comes just weeks before the U.S. nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS George Washington is due to arrive in Yokosuka, just south of Tokyo.  That nuclear powered carrier was originally supposed to arrive in Japan this month but suffered a fire aboard the vessel in May.

Do you have milk snorting out your nose yet over how funny this is?  Or are you just one of those reality-based blowhards who are going to quote facts and government studies like the Navy’s 50 year history of nuclear incidents and accidents that showed a total of over 1000 accidents and incidents. How boring YOU must be at parties.

You can bet a stick in the mud like Thomas Friedman isn’t releasing any of the endorphins McCain’s comedy lovers are enjoying.  Not when he’s writing such unfunny stuff like today’s column, which includes:

And my trip with Denmark’s minister of climate and energy, Connie Hedegaard, to see the effects of climate change on Greenland’s ice sheet leaves me with a very strong opinion: Our kids are going to be so angry with us one day.

We’ve charged their future on our Visa cards. We’ve added so many greenhouse gases to the atmosphere, for our generation’s growth, that our kids are likely going to spend a good part of their adulthood, maybe all of it, just dealing with the climate implications of our profligacy. And now our leaders are telling them the way out is “offshore drilling” for more climate-changing fossil fuels.

Madness. Sheer madness.

Most people assume that the effects of climate change are going to be felt through another big disaster, like Katrina. Not necessarily, says Minik Thorleif Rosing, a top geologist at Denmark’s National History Museum and one of my traveling companions. “Most people will actually feel climate change delivered to them by the postman,” he explains. It will come in the form of higher water bills, because of increased droughts in some areas; higher energy bills, because the use of fossil fuels becomes prohibitive; and higher insurance and mortgage rates, because of much more violently unpredictable weather.

Friedman probably doesn’t even laugh out loud during, SouthPark, Two and a Half Men or Jackass II.

He probably didn’t even find Andy Kaufmann funny when he lip synced to Mighty Mouse.

So you can bet your bippy as Rowan and Martin used to say that fussy Friedman isn’t finding McCain’s solar routine as rip-snorting, hurt your stomach funny as the rest of us.

But how can you deny the hilarity of the idea that the candidate from sunny Arizona is the one who killed the solar energy tax credit – which needed only his vote to pass – by refusing to come to Washington DC to vote.


Because he was mad at the sun for giving him skin cancer!  Get it?


Maybe you just need to lighten up – but hey, don’t forget to put on your sunscreen and wear a hat!

If I haven’t helped you see the light by now, then you sure as hell don’t appreciate the absolute comedy genius of McCain’s long-running tribute to the George Costanza character on Seinfeld.

Besides the obvious physical similarities to Jason Alexander, you’d have to be blind not to see how Johnny Joke Jockey is paying homage to Costanza in his whole “The Exact Opposite of Reality is How I See The World” routine.

Allow me to break down the comedy nuts and bolts of this laugh-laden bit by looking at the “My Opponent Is An Elitist & Out Of Touch With Regular Folks” angle McCain so boldly employs.

As the ultra-privileged son of an admiral and grandson of an admrial who got a free pass to the Naval Academy and then proceeded to goof off on his way to the bottom of the class; then got shot down and was held prisoner for the entire war, then was rewarded with a cushy job as an liquor supplying aide to alcoholic Senator John Tower; as the filthy rich guy who today owns nine different houses, regularly sports $500 designer shoes; the guy who dumped his middle class wife (who waited for him while he was in prison) for a multi-millionaire trophy 20 years younger than him…

For THIS beyond-audacious guy to call the black man who was raised by a single parent and who had to take out loans to go to college and then had to work for living to pay back his loans…

For THIS in-your-face damn-the-torpedos comedy commando to then claim that the OTHER guy was the elitist and too high-hat for the hoi polli –  well that’s just frickin’ off the hook, isn’t it?  How could you NOT laugh your ass off over that?!  How could you possibly be more Borat than that?

And how could you not just be taken over the edge when you listen to him talk about how the tax cuts for the rich must be made permanent to keep our economy humming along like the well-oiled machine it is?  You should see him do that joke with actual money raining down upon him from the heavens above.  He does it with all $100 bills because he likes how old Ben Franklin looks on them.

Let’s face it, serious guys like climate scientist Joseph Romm, who criticize McCain for not making any sense and not telling the truth about global climate change or energy costs just don’t get it.

Despite his pleasant grin and even though he has a humor section on his web site, Romm really don’t know that much about what makes great comedy.

How funny is a guy in a lab coat taking the climate’s temperature and trying to make us all worried about it?  Not so much…

See, when McCain tells you he’s a maverick, he means the kind James Garner played in the movie with Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster.

He means the kind of maverick who cheats at cards, pulls brazen scams and con jobs, romances the pretty young ladies and always winds up with lots of your money in his pocket –
But not without entertaining you and providing plenty of hearty guffaws and outright laughing jags.

And remember, if you’re not laughing at John McCain and all the truly priceless humor he’s  dropping on us right and left then you’ve got a “serious” problem.

If you’re just going to be all serious about the whole thing and refuse to judge McCain on his merits, talent and skill as a world class comedian then there’s really no hope for you, is there?  No hope at all.

But one thing’s for sure – if you’re not laughing along with the rest of us, you’re just not paying enough attention to John McCain.

And hey, not everyone sees the humor in McCain as we do.  That’s why we be laughing while others are crying.  Who would YOU rather be?

But here’s a guy on CBS Moneywatch who takes the same facts and acts all grumpy about them in his piece he incredibly titled:

He actually writes ridiculous things like:
“The son and grandson of Navy admirals, he attended Annapolis where he did poorly. Nevertheless, he was commissioned as a pilot, where he performed poorly, crashing three planes before he failed to evade a North Vietnamese missile that destroyed his plane. McCain spent more than five years in a prison camp.”

He just doesn’t get how funny McCain’s Animal House college days and were or how hysterical physical comedy is.  Can’t you just imagine Leslie Nielsen playing pilot McCain and acting all nutty in the cockpit?  This stuffy Moneywatch writer is simply another person who is too serious for today’s America.

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