Shove That Coal Back In Its Hole – The Greenius Goes Solar

I’ve had it.  Your Creative Greenius has reached his tipping point.

The more I learn about the latest news on climate change and how much time we really have left to do anything about it, the more I feel like like the late Italian political theorist, Antonio Gramsci, who wrote in his Gramsci: Letters from Prison,

I’m a pessimist because of intelligence,but an optimist because of will.”

And it is that will that makes me declare that enough is enough, damn it.  New evidence is presented every single day of the weekit’s time to act decisively now.  But we are not living in sane times.  We are living in the Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs era. that would convince any sane person that

With greenhouse gases pouring into the skies and building up faster than the deficit with each passing day; with the price of coalelectric rates soaring up up up across the country; and with sell-out lizard brain politicians pimping oil as they croak out, “Drill here! Drill now!  Hell, drill my wife if it means I’ll get your vote!”; the Greenius is taking matters into his own hands and going solar.

I can’t wait any longer.  It’s either go solar, or go postal and believe me, nobody wants a Rambo Greenius.  I’m dangerous enough with a broom in my hands.

By “going solar” I’m talking about installing enough solar panels on my roof to generate 100% of the electricity we use in our home and in my business.  I’ve been doing my Greenius homework and I now know that we average 16-17 kWh of electricity daily here at our place which means we need a system in the 4-4.5kw power range.  That adds up to at least $20-$25 grand out of my pocket – after rebates and tax credits – at least that’s what I’m guesstimating.  I’ll let you know.

That’s money I was saving for my later retirement years – specifically the years from 2038 to 2048 when I’ll be in my 80s.  My financial adviser, the wise and knowing Preston Caves, wants to make sure I don’t outlive my money.  He says I need to plan to live to at least 90, maybe longer.  He’s pretty sure I’m some kind of wacky green eviro-nut with this spending some of my savings now idea.

I showed him the solar system calculator at that calculated a 4kw system would take me 5 to 9 years to break even on  without any property value appreciation BUT only 1 to 2 years with the projected $20,780 to $39,664 increase in property value.  Seems like it makes great financial sense to me too.  More green for the Greenius.

But I’ve taken a peek at the future calendar of what’s coming in 30 years and I’m convinced that paying for solar right now is an even smarter use of my retirement money because the years 2038 to 2048 are not going to be worth being around for.

The Greenius says the next ten years are the best ten years we have left – and they’re not going to be as good as the last ten.  Delayed gratification is an invalid concept with the ticking clock climate meltdown currently in progress.

Sorry about that Generations X, Y, Z and Entitled but your tomorrow is going to pretty much suck.  Don’t blame me though, I saw this coming and I didn’t have any kids.  And I don’t blame any of you for feeling the way my little buddy in this video does.

Hey, but don’t worry, that’s just my intelligence talking.

My will says something completely different.  And it’s that will of mine that has already achieved the great American dream.  I already have decades of experience moving mountains and creating something out of nothing.  It’s what I like to do in my spare time for fun.

So my role as the transcendent Pied Piper posterboy of photovoltaic panels is plainly preordained.

I can hear my calling to be a Solangelist.

I know there are others out there who have heard the same calling and have already walked the walk I am only now mapping out for myself.  I salute you.  I bow to your experience and foresight.  You are the wise elders who mentor us all.

I am here to help.

I am here to take that 1% of people who have solar power to ten times that number in five more years and up to 20% in ten years.  But I won’t be doing it as a solar panel salesman, I’ll be doing it with missionary zeal as a Solangelist.  And I’ll be looking to preach in a mega-church with all the latest bells and whistles true believers and converts respond best to.

I am here to make putting solar panels on your house the coolest, most positive, most badass, most productive and meaningful thing you can do right now to save your world, save your children and save your very soul.

I am here to create a brand experience for “going solar” that will make it more popular than Viva Viagra has made erections for men over 40 and the women who love them.

There’s only one way our tomorrow can be better than our yesterday. Only one way we can pass onto your children a better world than our parents passed on to us.  And that way is for people like me to believe we can reverse the very course of human nature itself and therein change the world against the greatest odds mankind has ever known.

So first I’m going to convince all Americans who can go solar to generate their own power and then I’m going to get all of China to do the same and give up their use of coal.  I’ve already written them both on my to-do list.

Sure sounds like fun to me – and fortunately I have the time, the talent and the tenacity.

Pretty soon I’ll have the power of the panels too and nothing will be able to stop me.

As the Greenius goes, so too goes the world.

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