Chevron Sucks! But Not At Staples Center Anymore, Thanks To Greenius

Nobody knows what the fuck “Techron” is but everyone knows exactly what “Chevron Sucks!” means. It means the same thing as “Celtics Suck!” or “Boston Sucks!” and there is no worse insult a Lakers fan can give an evil villain.

That’s why I’ve been letting everyone know for the past 10 years, at every Lakers game I attend, that “Chevron Sucks!” And that’s why I’ve been lobbying the Lakers for just as long to drop the climate wrecking oil company as a corporate partner.

And now they have!

I worked for years to help redefine Chevron’s role at solar-powered Staples Center as part of Chevron’s every home game promotion aimed at children. They got kids to cheer for their cartoon toy car race, but I got them to laugh at Chevron sucking.

Even though my bit is funny, Chevron is one of the biggest polluters and destroyers of a livable climate on planet Earth, and they’ve acted like a classic crime organization.

Chevron spreads money around local organizations, community annual events, local sports teams and everyone else they can pay to ignore what a dirty, filthy, toxic, health destroying business Chevron is in.  That’s why –

Was it my publicly pissing in Chevron’s promotion pool every home game that got them to withdraw? Was it the letters I sent the Lakers asking them to drop the partner that didn’t meet the team’s own high standards and values?

No one wants to say officially.

But one thing’s for sure. The Lakers have upped their game in the Magic-LeBron era and only the best will do now.  That’s why I’m a season ticket holder.

That’s right. I’m in, but since Chevron sucks, they’re out.

Now it’s time they got out of El Segundo and liquidated their assets to pay for the damage they’ve done.  I’ll get them to do that too. Maybe we’ll have the post Trump government nationalize all the oil companies.

But meanwhile I’m going to enjoy the new green, clean Showtime Lakers.

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